I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
