There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
