i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
