my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize