laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
