there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
