i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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