They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
