is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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