fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
