Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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