fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize