I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize