It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
