This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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