brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
