Sry I called you an 8
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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