Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i think i have herpe
just one?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
