I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
