he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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