Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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