if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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