My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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