Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
