dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
