Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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