You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
