Who wears a wallet chain?!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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