seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
