you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
they're like a gay fantastic four
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
