genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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