you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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