If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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