go do what you do best...puke behind churches
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
