Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
