Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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