Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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