Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
