I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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