I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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