So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
