I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I cockslap morals
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
