happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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