I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize