Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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