So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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