shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
