mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
