i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize