I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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