I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize