I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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