Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
