i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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