We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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