I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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