Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
