phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
