I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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