Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize