i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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