now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
