I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize