Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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