sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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